dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize