Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
