so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
