remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
