The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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