I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
