My first STD was from a foam party
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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