I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
