Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
