I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
