a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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