Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
