You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
