Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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