My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
