i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
