I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
