it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize