I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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