dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
