it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
