So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
