Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Holy sore nipples Batman
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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