I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
