Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
