Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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