What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
