If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
