I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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