Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry about my life...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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