Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm too high and old for this...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
