Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize