Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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