I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
