3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize