After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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