You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
