go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
