We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize