What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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