I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
