I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
