I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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