Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
