sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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