Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize