im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
