There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize