so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
