remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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