im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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