I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize