Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
