i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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