in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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