You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
