they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize