Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
