I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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