Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
