Your dad touched me again.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
