Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden sheās a ābloggerā?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
