Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
