Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
