hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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